Most people call 911 in an emergency, but as these funny 911 calls prove, some folks have other motives
14 Outrageously Funny 911 Calls
Noisy neighbor
A Canadian woman dialed 911 after hearing yelling and shouting coming from her neighbor’s apartment. When cops arrived, they pounded on her neighbor’s door until the occupant finally opened up. That’s when they discovered that the man was in no danger. He’d just been having a rough time on the toilet.
Butt-dialing burglar
A burglar in Shelby County, Ohio, was caught by police after he accidentally butt-dialed 911 while breaking into a home. Making matters worse: The not-so-smart crook hid in a closet but was ratted out by his phone yet again when the low battery alarm went off.
Stadium startle
After receiving a frantic 911 call, the Regina, Canada, fire department raced off to battle an inferno at the local Canadian Football League stadium. But the situation wasn’t as dire as the 911 caller made it sound. The fire, it turned out, was a burning log displayed on the stadium’s giant video screen.
Pipe dream
A man in Lincoln, Nebraska, learned that sometimes you just have to let it go. He arrived home one day to find he’d been burgled—his favorite hookah pipes were missing. So he called the cops. But he’s the one who ended up in jail, not long after police arrived and found the pot plants he was growing.
Hide-and-seek
A woman in Dacula, Georgia, contacted police when her Chevy van went missing. Later that day, the woman called back to report that the vehicle had been found. It was in her yard, hidden behind tall weeds.
DoorDash 911
After making numerous calls to 911 requesting the police somehow bring the Winnipeg Jets hockey team back, a Lundar, Canada, man was warned that the next one would land him in jail. That prompted him to say, “If you’re coming to get me, can you bring me some smokes?”
UF-Oh, no
When a British man saw a mysterious flying object that lit up the sky, he immediately called the authorities. But before the police could react, the man called back, saying the mystery was solved. The UFO was actually the moon.
Living space
A woman in Kalispell, Montana, called police insisting that her neighbor’s loud music caused her house to develop a “heartbeat.”
Scaredy-cat crook
A Romanian man called the police to report hearing a strange noise in the house he happened to be burgling. Police arrived and arrested the man, who, as it turned out, was the only one in the house, aside from the homeowner’s noisy cat.
Calling the lunch police!
A Jacksonville, Florida, man was so upset when a sandwich shop left the special sauce off his sub that he called 911 … twice. Yup, that’s two funny 911 calls for the price of one. The first time was to ask if officers could make sure his sandwich was made properly. The second time, to complain that the cops weren’t responding fast enough to the first call.
The gambler
When a 7-year-old girl called 911 and then hung up, the Burnett, Wisconsin, police were dispatched to her home. When they arrived, they discovered the problem: The girl’s grandfather was cheating in a game of cards.
Shower scare
After Elaine Owens saw a red glow in her trailer’s bathroom, she called 911 to report a fire. When firemen showed up, they discovered that the flames were actually sunlight reflected off the shower curtain.
Bedtime battle
A 10-year-old Brockton, Massachusetts, boy called 911, then abruptly hung up. When the dispatcher called back, she discovered the problem: Much to the boy’s annoyance, his mother was insisting that he go to bed.
Fashion police
A Norwegian man dialed the police to complain that he was unable to leave the hair salon where he was getting a trim. Upon further investigation, police learned that the man couldn’t leave because he so loathed his haircut, he was too embarrassed to be seen.
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Reader’s Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the last 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That’s Funny. We’ve earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as “Life in These United States,” “All in a Day’s Work,” “Laughter, the Best Medicine” and “Humor in Uniform,” as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and bad jokes so bad, they’re great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader’s Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Sources:
- Metro: “Concerned resident calls police over neighbour’s loud toilet noises”
- WLWT: “Deputies: Ohio burglar’s cell phone called 911”
- CBC: “Giant burning TV log sends Regina fire crews scrambling”
- Fox 8: “Pipe theft report leads police to pot bust”
- The Lake County Star: “Sheriff’s Corner: Odd Police Calls, Volume I”
- National Post: “Charges for man who called 911 demanding police bring back Winnipeg Jets”
- ABC News: “Man Thinks Moon Is UFO, Calls Police”
- Medium: “Dumbest Reasons People Have Called 911”
- Metro: “Scared burglar arrested after calling police about cat”
- ABC 11: “911 Sandwich Call”
- Fox News: “You Gotta Know When to Walk Away or Call 911”
- AUBTU: “Police shared 10 funny 911 calls that can actually crack you up”
- NBC News: “Massachusetts boy calls 911 on mom to avoid bedtime”
- Digital Spy: “Police ‘called over bad haircut’ in Norway”
