How can you tell if you're in a rough patch, or it's something more serious?
14 Signs Your Partner Is Losing Interest, According to Experts
Updated on May 30, 2025
They stop making future plans with you
Remember when everything was “we?” We should go to Iceland! We should get a dog! We should finally watch that documentary about mushrooms! Now it’s more like “I’ve been thinking of going back to school … somewhere far away … alone.” Or, even worse, when you bring up future plans you’ve discussed in the past, like getting engaged or moving in together, they change the subject. Yikes. According to Pejuhesh, this is a major red flag. “When one partner stops including the other in their future, it’s a sign of emotional withdrawal,” she says.
What to do: Ask them directly how they see the future and if you’re still part of it. Reconnect by setting shared goals or planning something meaningful together, even if it’s just a weekend getaway.
Their texts are abrupt and rare
Short or surface-level communication is a classic sign of fading interest, says Hafeez—especially when it becomes the norm rather than the exception. Some people just aren’t texters and that’s OK, “but if they used to text regularly and answer promptly and that changes, it’s a red flag,” Pejuhesh says. So pay attention if their texts are getting shorter and colder than daylight in mid-February. You used to swap novel-length messages and now you’re lucky if you get a “k” reply? That’s a problem.
What to do: “Gently express that you’ve noticed the change and miss how things used to be,” Hafeez says. Invite open conversations and make space for vulnerability on both sides.” No blame, just “I miss us.”
They don’t ask about your day anymore
They used to hang on every detail of your lunch meeting with Janet. Now they don’t even ask how your job interview went. Ouch. In fact, if they ask you any questions at all, they’re just practical. “When someone stops showing curiosity or engagement with your daily life, it signals disconnection,” Pejuhesh says.
What to do: “Let them know that their interest made you feel cared for, and you miss that,” Hafeez says. “Invite them into your world again by sharing more—and genuinely asking about theirs.”
They get annoyed with every little thing you do
Everything you do seems to irritate them. You breathe too loud. You chew too happy. You exist too much. If they’re snapping over things that used to not be a big deal—or even things they used to like about you, take note. This is often a symptom of deeper, unspoken resentment. “Unresolved conflict is a major source of relationship disconnect and that can show up as irritability,” Hafeez says. And while it’s not really about your breathing or bedtime routine, it really is about your relationship and how they see you.
What to do: Stay calm and ask if something deeper is going on but don’t be afraid to insist on being treated with respect. Address stressors together and reestablish respect in your communication.
They won’t let you see their phone
They used to shove their phone in your face to show you memes, texts from their mom and that weird mole they Googled. But now? The phone is suddenly classified. They guard it like it’s the nuclear codes, flipping it over when it buzzes, covering it with their hand or sprinting out of the room to “just take this real quick.” Sure, everyone deserves privacy, but if your partner used to be chill about their phone and is now treating it like a locked diary from 2004, that’s a major red flag, Pejuhesh says. “If they add a password when they didn’t have one before, sleep with their phone or refuse to let you look up something on their phone, those are all things to note,” she says.
What to do: “Start with questions, not accusations,” she says. Say something like, “Hey, I noticed you’ve been more private with your phone lately, and it’s making me feel a little disconnected. Is there something going on?” Focus on the feeling, not the phone. And then pay attention to how they respond. If there’s nothing to hide, there shouldn’t be anything to fear from the conversation.
Time together feels meh
Remember when grocery shopping, cleaning the kitchen or even watching paint dry together felt romantic? Now they look actively bored during dinner. Or distracted. Or suspiciously interested in their phone. “When a partner seems disengaged or bored when you’re together, it’s often because they’ve checked out emotionally,” Hafeez explains. It may also be just a vibe you pick up on in yourself. When they’re unexcited to be with you, you may unconsciously match their energy and feel bored or hesitant yourself.
What to do: “Ask what kind of time together still feels fulfilling for them,” she says. Then try switching up your routine to reintroduce novelty, shared goals, or some good ol’ fashioned fun.
They stop touching you or bristle when you touch them
There’s a reason that touch is one of the five love languages so if there are no more hand-holding, surprise kisses, or even casual cuddles? It’s a big red flag. “When someone loses interest, physical intimacy often fades first,” Pejuhesh says. “It’s one of the most obvious shifts.” Worse, this can turn into a vicious cycle of one partner not feeling loved because they’re not receiving physical affection which makes them withhold their touch in return. Eventually this can even lead to a “dead bedroom.”
What to do: Bring it up gently, without pressure or guilt. “Let them know you miss that connection and ask how they’re feeling about intimacy lately,” Pejuhesh says. Simply talking about it openly can help a great deal.
They stop posting about you
Remember when your partner couldn’t shut up about you? You were the crush they couldn’t stop telling their friends about, their “Look what my amazing boyfriend made for dinner!” post, and the star of their Instagram Stories. Now it’s crickets. You’ve gone from “love of their life” to “mysterious roommate who sometimes appears in the background.”
Sure, not everyone is big on PDA (public digital affection), but “if they used to celebrate you online or talk about you to friends and family—and now they don’t even mention your name—it could be a sign their emotional connection is slipping,” Pujehesh says.
What to do: Instead of asking why they didn’t post your adorable couple selfie, start with curiosity, she says. Try, “I noticed you haven’t really been talking about us lately — is everything okay?” It opens the door for an honest chat without spiraling into a social media audit.
They stop making an effort
Everyone has their chilling-in-sweatpants alter ego, but if you’re getting that version of them 24/7, it’s a red flag. They don’t plan date nights, leave notes, or do any of the sweet little things they used to. They’re just … there. Hafeez notes that feeling unappreciated or overwhelmed can cause someone to give up on trying altogether.
What to do: Reignite appreciation by showing it first—a compliment, a thank-you, a tiny act of kindness. Then invite them into a conversation about how you can both reconnect intentionally.
You’re doing all the work
You initiate every conversation, every plan, every attempt at connection. You’ve basically become the emotional project manager of your own relationship. Congrats on the promotion? “This type of energy imbalance is unfortunately really common and comes across as one person cares much more than the other,” Pejuhesh says. “If one partner consistently disengages, the other ends up carrying the emotional labor, which is unsustainable.”
What to do: Name the imbalance, kindly but clearly, but avoid making it feel like a chore. Ask if they’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure about something in the relationship. Then suggest creating rituals of connection that both of you can participate in.
They spend more time looking at a screen than you
Sure, we all zone out on YouTube sometimes, but phone addiction has become a serious relationship problem. “If they’d rather scroll in bed than talk to you every night, that’s not about ‘relaxing,’ that’s avoidance,” Pejuhesh says. Whether it’s a true addiction or a bad habit doesn’t matter, she adds, because they’re so immersed in their online world that it’s pulling them out of their real-world relationships—you.
What to do: “Don’t compete with the phone—you’ll lose,” she says. Instead, suggest screen-free time (yes, it’s possible!) for a walk, a game or even just chatting. Make it low-pressure and consistent. If you’re worried they’ve crossed the line into addiction, say that, and be clear about the impacts it’s having on your relationship.
Your gut says something is off
You can’t quite explain it, but something feels wrong. You’re walking on eggshells. You feel anxious, insecure or weirdly distant from the person sleeping next to you. Pejuhesh says this kind of intuition is common and important. “Trust your instincts, especially if you’re noticing some of these concerning changes, don’t write it off as just fear or insecurity,” she says. “This is someone you love and have spent a lot of time with so you’re likely pretty attuned to their feelings and when things shift.”
What to do: Be clear about your needs and expectations, don’t bottle it up. Talk about what you’re feeling. “And pay attention to see if they try and gaslight you, your feelings are valid,” she says
How do you know if this is just a rough patch or if it’s the end?
This list can sound scary, especially all together, but if you’re seeing a few of these signs, don’t panic-pack your suitcase or text your ex (seriously, don’t text your ex). “First, try to talk openly and honestly about what you’re noticing with your partner,” Hafeez says. Your gut might be waving a red flag, but make sure it’s reacting to consistent changes and not just a bad week or an overactive imagination fueled by too many TikToks about emotional unavailability.
“Look for consistent signs like emotional distance, lack of affection or avoiding time together,” she says.
One more sign to look out for? “I say this with love and gentleness: If you find yourself constantly reading articles like this one and looking for a checklist, that’s a red flag too,” Pejuhesh says. “Relationships aren’t supposed to feel like detective work.”
Before you decide to end things, consider couples counseling. “A therapist can guide both of you in figuring out whether the relationship can be repaired or if it’s time to move on,” Hafeez says. Sometimes love is still there, just buried under resentment, stress, or forgotten anniversary cards. And sometimes … it’s not. But you deserve to know which it is.
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Sources:
- Sanam Hafeez, PhD, relationship expert, neuropsychologist, and director of Comprehend the Mind in New York City; phone interview, May 20, 2025
- Sanam Pejuhesh, MA, psychotherapist and licensed professional counselor at the Connected Family Collective; in-person interview, May 20, 2025.
